Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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