You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
