i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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