Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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