do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
