Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
