you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
