She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
