Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
