so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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