Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize