But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
