I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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