I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
