wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
