shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
