Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize