I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
