how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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