fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
