Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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