im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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