Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
