My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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