I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
