She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to calm my uterus...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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