Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
