i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My penis needs a shock collar
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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