So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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