what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
