I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
