In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
smell my finger.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When are your genitals available?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
