high people should be assigned attendants
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
