I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
