Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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