I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
