ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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