As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
