TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
