the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
