she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
