When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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