Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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