i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
