do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
