is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
