How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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