This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
