He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
