I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
