Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
