Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
