I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You made out with two different species that night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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