I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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