I must be too annoying 4 u.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
