just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
