just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
