i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
