true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
