she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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