I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
