happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Farmville is her only friend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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