Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
