gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
