Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
