I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
