I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
