so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
