sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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