So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
