I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
