I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish you could order shots online.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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