I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
