he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
