grandma shit on top of the toilet
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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