Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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