Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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