Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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