really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
