today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
