could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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