Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
