you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
