Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
