There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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