i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
