So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Rumble strips road head = magical
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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