at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
