A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
