i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
