The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
