Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize